2014-05-06 Ron W. Nikkel (Prison Fellowship International)
Is Forgiveness Worth it?
Forgive
me now, 'cause I,
Have been unfaithful;
Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know;
So many times I've tried,
But was unable …
Now I'm in our secret place,
Alone in Your embrace,
Where all my wrongs have been erased;
You have forgiven,
All the promises and lies,
All the times I compromised,
All the times You were denied…
(From “Forgiveness” by Skillet)
“It
isn’t worth it - forgiving her,” a young man told me, “she betrayed my
love and trust, it is finished between us!” I felt the deep pain and
anger in the bitter story of his partner’s infidelity. “It’s not
the first time,” he responded when I gently asked if he was open to the
possibility of reconciliation. “It’s not worth it at all and
what’s done is done, it can’t be fixed.”
Although our conversation ended on a note of unforgiveness, I am not sure
that it has to end that way. His story was like so many other stories,
even our own stories in response to the insults, injuries, and loss we
experience where the journey to forgiveness takes time. Hardly a day
passes where we are not faced with the question of forgiveness. Do we
forgive or not forgive someone who has hurt us. Is forgiveness even
worth it?
Is it worth forgiving someone – that is an interesting question, and I
left the conversation I’d just had with the young man’s words still
echoing in my heart – “It isn’t worth forgiving her!” Have you
ever tried to measure or value forgiveness? What makes forgiveness
worth it? Is it based on the response of the person who hurt or
offended us? And if their remorse and tears and admission of guilt are
sufficient, do we feel that our forgiveness is deserved and justifiable?
Or is forgiveness based on how much we value the person who hurt us?
If so, then what is the basis of that value? Is it determined by their
relationship to us, their social standing in the community, their beauty or
intelligence, or even by their power and influence on others?
When is forgiveness not worth it? When the offender doesn’t accept
responsibility or show remorse or respond the way we think she should?
Or is forgiveness not worth it if the offender is a “dirty rotten
scoundrel?” – and when it’s certainly not close to being his first
offence.
What is the worth in forgiving anyone who has wronged me? What is the
worth by which someone sees fit to forgive us for things we’ve done and
said that hurt them? If forgiveness is based only on the worth of our
explanations or excuses, or the worth of our repentance and response, what
about when our repentance doesn’t actually last and someone recognizes
that “this is not your first time or your second – it’s not worth
forgiving you!”
What worth did Pope John Paul II see in Mehmet Ali Agca to forgive him for
his bloody assassination attempt? What worth did Corrie ten Boom see
in the Nazi guards to forgive them for her cruel captivity and treatment in
the concentration camp? What worth did Jesus see in the soldiers to
forgive them for humiliating, mistreating and crucifying him? What
worth did Wilma Derksen see in the killer to forgive him for murdering her
precious teenage daughter? What worth does God see in you and me to
forgive us for the wrong we do time and time again?
Forgiveness is not a reasonable calculation or equation based on any
personal merit or measure of response. Forgiveness is always an act of
undeserved grace based only on who we are as human beings, individuals
valued by God who made us in his image. For us to see any worth in
forgiving our offenders is to fix our eyes not on what the offender has done
but on who the offender is as a human being bearing the image of God and
infinitely loved by God.
The basis of such forgiveness is counter cultural, but is the foundation of
what Jesus taught about forgiveness. Even Peter, the disciple, who had
some inkling that there was a generosity in forgiveness, completely missed
it when he ventured that it might be worth forgiving a repeat offender even
up to seven times - perfectly according to Hebrew tradition which saw seven
as the measure of perfection. But Jesus’ response went way beyond
Peter’s generosity and sense of perfection, implying that perfect
forgiveness knows no limits and even seventy times seven would not begin to
push the limits of forgiveness.
Forgiveness may not be worth it in many of the situations we experience, if
we only measure worth by the response or human merit of the offender.
But if forgiveness is worth anything at all that worth resides in the
unalterable fact that every human being, the offender and the offended, are
equally loved by God in whose image they have been created. And if God
so generously forgives his errant creatures who are we to act as if those
who offend us are not worthy of our forgiveness even though God will forgive
them. Is our forgiveness above that of God’s forgiveness? Such
refusal to forgive is a refusal to recognize the worth of the other person,
and the refusal to recognize the worth of the other person is to debase both
that person and ourselves.
Jesus said –
You should pray like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Help us to honor your name.
Come and set up your kingdom,
so that everyone on earth will obey you,
as you are obeyed in heaven.
Give us our food for today.
Forgive us for doing wrong,
as we forgive others.
Keep us from being tempted
and protect us from evil
If you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you,
your Father in heaven will forgive you.
But if you don’t forgive others,
your Father will not forgive your sins.
(Matthew 6:9-14 CEVUS)
© Copyright by Ronald W. Nikkel, Article may be reprinted with acknowledgement
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THE
CORACLE is published weekly as a reflection on faith and life.
It is available free by subscription. The name CORACLE - refers to a
small leather boat that was typically used by Celtic monks during the 8th and
9th Centuries. One of the most famous was St. Brendan the Navigator who
undertook a missionary voyage of faith. Without navigational maps and
instruments he trusted that by waves and wind and current, God would bring him
to the place and places where he was meant to be. Yet far from being
fatalistic, his voyage was the deeply spiritual account of a man’s journey in
surrendering to the will of God and trusting God to guide and protect him from
danger and disaster. Brendan’s voyage became famous as an ideal for the
Celtic monks of Ireland who dared to venture into unknown and wild places in
order to spread the gospel. Setting sail in their fragile coracles was at
once a courageous act of faith and a profound expression of their passion to
follow Jesus Christ no matter where the journey would take them or what the
journey would entail.
BOOKS by Ron - Radical
Love in a Broken World and Your
Journey with Jesus are available in print and Kindle
format through Amazon and Christian
Focus Publications
ARTICLES - Ron's articles frequently appear in the
Huffington Post and many can be found online at The
Huffington Post
Ron Nikkel is President Emeritus of Prison
Fellowship International after having led served as the Chief
Executive for 32 years. Ron has traveled extensively meeting with
political leaders, criminal justice officials as well church and community
leaders in more than 140 countries. He holds the distinction of having
been in more prisons in more countries than any other person. Considered a
leading voice for Justice that leads to restoration and reconciliation, Ron is
in demand as a speaker on issues of justice and faith, justice and society.
BOOKS by Ron - Radical
Love in a Broken World and Your
Journey with Jesus are available in print and Kindle
format through Amazon and Christian
Focus Publications
ARTICLES - Ron's articles frequently appear in the
Huffington Post and many can be found online at The
Huffington Post
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